Disagreements are inevitable. Going beyond the surface issue to become curious about what the issue represents opens the possibility for a different conversation. Sarah Parker, LMFT, offers questions that can help partners understand underlying issues in a conflict to make room for both people in the conversation. Conflict can be a meaningful part of being in relationship.

The question “How are you doing?” often functions less as a genuine inquiry than a social ritual. What if, from time to time, we asked the question intentionally—and truly meant it? What if we trusted that we don’t need the perfect response in order to listen well? In a restless and uncertain world, genuine attention may be one of the most meaningful ways we care for one another.